Where is the love? its all around us, it´s in the breeze, the trees, in between our knees. It´s waiting to be found. Not to be looked for but to be found.
I am heading out on foot through the valleys and the trees leaving Millie behind me. I have given the van to an Israeli woman and her son and they will be driving it to Italy where I will meet them. I have never felt free-er in my life.
Before you read any further I just want to add any of the following or preceding feelings that you may read are mine. I in no way profess them to be true or in any way factual for anybody but myself. They are merely my feelings at this point in my life. Please enjoy them at a distance and take from them what you will.
It´s strange, last blog I spoke of this phrase "I have everything that I need" and that I was about to put it into practice. I have news to report. I have everything that I need. All we need is here for us. All the time. Whenever we need. I feel this next statement to be true; the moment we love ourselves, all is possible. Easier said than done I´d say but then I would say cause I am in the heart of a lifelong process of understanding these words. And I´m making some beautiful mistakes! It´s so beautiful. In a way its completely impossible, how can we ever really make a mistake because as soon as something takes us away from Love and from what we really enjoy then it also iluminates what we do love. I feel sometimes we need to live an eternity of what we don´t need just to bring us round to see and feel and trust what we do. And i don´t mean in terms of deep and meaningful lifechanging necessities I mean the simple day to day.
I was at a "spiritual talk" two days ago. What an absurd name for a talk, I love it´s ridiculousness, when is a talk not a spiritual talk, asking for milk is a spiritual talk, how can an action not be spiritual. We are all balls of energy, all manifestations of this mystical creation we refer to as spirit, how can we be anything but spiritual, to shit is as spiritual as meditation. Within this spiritual talk there was alot of reference to acceptance, to love, to searching deep within for that place where fear and anxiety cannot go. I agree with all of these and I loved that somebody was creating a space where people could come together and discuss these issues. I wondered why we weren´t also talking about diet. About sleep. About cleanliness and our day to day habits. I love "spiritual talks" don´t get me wrong, a little bit of self investigation and emotional masturbation are great at times but I feel at this particular talk something was missing. Life does not just consist of meditation and visualisation, we must all exist in the material world whether we like it or not and even with that we have a choice. If we choose to stay we have another choice to make, whether to learn how to function in the most loving way for ourselves or whether to try and function in the river of everyone elses disfunction.
At this current moment in time I feel blessed. Because I have lived a life that has led me to being able to create a world that is full of Love. Bringing together a really healthy day to day habit that honours all that I need. The fact that I as a person like to be clean and well fed. I am understanding more and more the foods I enjoy and what my body needs and I feel so much calmer for it. For this calmness I also feel more capable of listening to my heart and what it needs, when I need space for myself when I need the company of others. Learning to give myself an abundance of all whenever I need it. I can easily forget sometimes that abundance can be a piece of bread, a nap, an apple, a conversation, a mountain as easily as it can be a full day of manual labour. It´s whatever I feel it to be. The joy of being able to hear my mind, my heart, my soul my body and allow them to flow together and work with each other when they need and take space from each other when they don´t.
I am about to do something that I never thought possible. I am about to walk off into the unknown with nothing but a rucksack and an open heart. And here is the beauty. I know with every ounce of my being, even my little toes the most doubt filled of extremities, that everything I need will be brought to me as and when I need. I am full of love and always will be.
Why does love exist? Because we have this little part of our back that we just can´t reach.
Thursday 23 January 2014
Thursday 2 January 2014
Happy New Year
Hello all,
Much love, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope it has been a beautifully festive festive period.
I have been living in a hippy commune for 3 weeks now and can quite safely say I am a fully fledged hippy. I'm living off a diet of raw food and hallucinogenics, having endless unprotected sex with as many people as possible and I haven't washed my hands in four weeks. So far its going quite well but pooing outside is going to take a little getting used to.
Amidst all of this connection with nature, becoming one with myself and animals I was bitten by a feral cat. It was quite a wonderful experience on the whole. I was on the drive from Orgiva to Malaga to collect my Sister, I was completely lost, again. I eventually asked a stranger where a good place to sleep was and he lead me to a small beach that had been squatted for the past five years. It's 30m long enclosed on both sides by rockface and from behind by Bamboo. The bamboo was so thick that people had cut and bent a house in the middle of it. I had been hoping for a solitary evening on a beach for so long and I stumbled across the quietest and most beautiful squatted beach. I swam in the sea, meditated in the sun and began speaking with some of the beautiful people who lived there. All was going well until a young woman I was speaking with said the following statement pointing at the sea.
"Is that a goat?"
I looked out to the sea and saw what looked like a large black log rolling around helplessly in the waves about forty metres out. I thought this woman must be on the raw food/hallucinogenic diet, until out of the water rolled a tail. I was blessed with a wonderful moment where there was no indecision, no thought and before I knew it I was naked swimming towards a drowning cat. I picked it up out of the water with my right hand and began to swim it back to shore. I learnt three things that day. One; A frightened animal on the brink of death is a dangerous animal. Two; never pick up a drowning cat from underneath where it can reach your hand with its mouth. Three; if an animal bites you while you are in the middle of the sea don't try to shake it off because it simply bites down harder. It bit me twice. It hurt and bled alot. The hippies gave me warm clothes, a tin of fish and a warm fire by which to rest my bones. They seemed so calm and generous that when it turned out they were heading back to the same village I had just driven from I offered them a lift. That night I slept in the open air, sea lapping at my feet, an endlessly starry vista above me and a wonderfully warm feeling within me. I woke up the next day and the three hippies I had offered a lift to had transformed into six, the majority of which were drunk, toothless and wonderfully rowdy. We set off early to pick up my sister from Malaga airport. I can only imagine her face when instead of being greeted by me, her brother, a face she loved and recognised. She was greeted by six drunkards walking aimlessly around Malaga airport holding cardboard signs screaming "Katy!!!" at the tops of their voices. Was a beautiful journey home.
I am loving my life at the moment. I am waking up each day and learning afresh how I have to live to be content. I am doing alot of Dancing, Yoga, Tai-Chi, we are all working together to build a house for one of the guys that lives with us and I am making so much art. So many ideas, so many stories, poems pouring out of me. It is also becoming so much clearer when it is time to try and do stuff and be around people and when it's time to go and lie down with a blanket over my face. Something I've never really been able to do before, I normally just get over-excited and keep going until I collapse but here I'm finding a much more sustainable rhythm. It's a great relief.
There is only one more thing to share. I have nearly run out of money. It's interesting. Normally I would be worrying and stressing for a solution to this apparent problem. But i am so inspired by everybody I have met on this journey who simply trust that money will look after itself. I find myself strangely calm. I am going to throw myself into pennylessness and trust that all my needs will be met. I will let you know how it goes, hopefully the next blog won't be a call out for the relief fund.
Thank you for the wonderful feedback for the first chapter of Katius. I was anxious about sharing it but the feedback has been beautiful and really humbling. Thank you. There has been a delay in the building of the website so you will have to wait for the next chapter but I promise you it's on the way.
I wish you all much love and hope life is bringing you all that you need. And mum don't worry I was only joking I am eating lots of hot food, steering clear of free love and hallucinogenics and I am washing my hands very regularly.
Much love, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope it has been a beautifully festive festive period.
I have been living in a hippy commune for 3 weeks now and can quite safely say I am a fully fledged hippy. I'm living off a diet of raw food and hallucinogenics, having endless unprotected sex with as many people as possible and I haven't washed my hands in four weeks. So far its going quite well but pooing outside is going to take a little getting used to.
Amidst all of this connection with nature, becoming one with myself and animals I was bitten by a feral cat. It was quite a wonderful experience on the whole. I was on the drive from Orgiva to Malaga to collect my Sister, I was completely lost, again. I eventually asked a stranger where a good place to sleep was and he lead me to a small beach that had been squatted for the past five years. It's 30m long enclosed on both sides by rockface and from behind by Bamboo. The bamboo was so thick that people had cut and bent a house in the middle of it. I had been hoping for a solitary evening on a beach for so long and I stumbled across the quietest and most beautiful squatted beach. I swam in the sea, meditated in the sun and began speaking with some of the beautiful people who lived there. All was going well until a young woman I was speaking with said the following statement pointing at the sea.
"Is that a goat?"
I looked out to the sea and saw what looked like a large black log rolling around helplessly in the waves about forty metres out. I thought this woman must be on the raw food/hallucinogenic diet, until out of the water rolled a tail. I was blessed with a wonderful moment where there was no indecision, no thought and before I knew it I was naked swimming towards a drowning cat. I picked it up out of the water with my right hand and began to swim it back to shore. I learnt three things that day. One; A frightened animal on the brink of death is a dangerous animal. Two; never pick up a drowning cat from underneath where it can reach your hand with its mouth. Three; if an animal bites you while you are in the middle of the sea don't try to shake it off because it simply bites down harder. It bit me twice. It hurt and bled alot. The hippies gave me warm clothes, a tin of fish and a warm fire by which to rest my bones. They seemed so calm and generous that when it turned out they were heading back to the same village I had just driven from I offered them a lift. That night I slept in the open air, sea lapping at my feet, an endlessly starry vista above me and a wonderfully warm feeling within me. I woke up the next day and the three hippies I had offered a lift to had transformed into six, the majority of which were drunk, toothless and wonderfully rowdy. We set off early to pick up my sister from Malaga airport. I can only imagine her face when instead of being greeted by me, her brother, a face she loved and recognised. She was greeted by six drunkards walking aimlessly around Malaga airport holding cardboard signs screaming "Katy!!!" at the tops of their voices. Was a beautiful journey home.
I am loving my life at the moment. I am waking up each day and learning afresh how I have to live to be content. I am doing alot of Dancing, Yoga, Tai-Chi, we are all working together to build a house for one of the guys that lives with us and I am making so much art. So many ideas, so many stories, poems pouring out of me. It is also becoming so much clearer when it is time to try and do stuff and be around people and when it's time to go and lie down with a blanket over my face. Something I've never really been able to do before, I normally just get over-excited and keep going until I collapse but here I'm finding a much more sustainable rhythm. It's a great relief.
There is only one more thing to share. I have nearly run out of money. It's interesting. Normally I would be worrying and stressing for a solution to this apparent problem. But i am so inspired by everybody I have met on this journey who simply trust that money will look after itself. I find myself strangely calm. I am going to throw myself into pennylessness and trust that all my needs will be met. I will let you know how it goes, hopefully the next blog won't be a call out for the relief fund.
Thank you for the wonderful feedback for the first chapter of Katius. I was anxious about sharing it but the feedback has been beautiful and really humbling. Thank you. There has been a delay in the building of the website so you will have to wait for the next chapter but I promise you it's on the way.
I wish you all much love and hope life is bringing you all that you need. And mum don't worry I was only joking I am eating lots of hot food, steering clear of free love and hallucinogenics and I am washing my hands very regularly.
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